🔥The Edge: Force vs Flow
There's a distinction that I learned from how indigenous chiefs lead their tribes:
The edge between force and flow.
Early in my career I thought that “If it’s to be, it’s up to me!” so I led with force.
I hustled my way through a multi-6fig tattooing career and then ‘willed’ my path into international speaking as a coach.
I was the loudest voice in the room, the most stubborn one in negotiations and -of course- the one who was "always right." (ask my wife!)
It was my way or the highway and I pushed myself and others to arrive at a set goal.
But in spite of quickly rising in every industry I joined, something felt off..
It felt as if all I had achieved would crumble if left unattended, like an exhausting juggling act that only got more and more complex with time.
Until one day at a ceremony in Colombia, I witnessed how our shaman would guide people through deep transformation without ever imposing his will.
He didn't force.
He didn't control.
He created a container that allowed for transformation to flow naturally..
This showed me a fundamental distinction in leadership:
Force pushes against what is.
Flow works with what is.
Force requires constant energy.
Flow generates energy.
Force creates resistance.
Flow transforms resistance.
This isn't just philosophical – it's practical.
I've seen it play out in my own businesses and in the lives of the entrepreneurs I work with:
When we lead from force, people (or clients) comply but don't commit.
When we lead from flow, people commit without being requested to comply.
Force drags the bare minimum out of people,
Flow raises and inspires THE greatest out of people.
Force is like a bootcamp coach yelling at people to get them to do one more rep, hoping they'll lose their stubborn weight in the process..
(Only to binge eat their suppressed emotions away the moment the coach isn't looking!)
Flow is that mentor whose presence elevates everyone around him, inspires them to care for their health, to show up committed and to stand in their greatest potential.
Force is about controlling what people are doing.
Flow is about creating the conditions for who they are BEING.
One is a tugboat, the other a lighthouse.☀️
This distinction applies whether you're leading a global movement, a small team, a group of coaching clients or your family life.
Success always turns into hell when it is created through force, for you know deep inside that the moment you stop pulling the leash, it will all fall apart.
(Like a marriage where you keep playing power games..)
I now know that when we merge our force with our ability to flow, our POWER is channeled through our PRESENCE and that which we create takes a life of its own.
Whether it's a business, a family or a healthy habit...
You can't yell and punish your way into an enjoyable work culture.
You can't control and command your way into a loving marriage and joyful, respectful children.
And you cannot beat yourself up and shame yourself into quitting an addiction or installing a healthier habit.
Ultimately, you cannot punish yourself into prosperity of any kind.
However, success rooted in integrity always leads to greater fulfillment, effortless influence and exponential impact.
(and as a not-so-bad side effect, income!)
🙏🏽
Your Edge Practice:
For the next week, pay attention to where you're forcing rather than flowing:
- Where are you fighting against resistance instead of dancing with it?
- Where is effort draining you instead of energizing you?
- Where could letting go be more powerful than holding on?
Choose one area to shift from force to flow, then observe what unfolds.
With you on the path,
Nico
P.S. In my retreats, the deepest breakthroughs don’t come from trying harder—they come from teaching attendees how to step into total surrender and let go of forcing (control) to make room for allowing (faith, creation).
We've opened up registrations for The Way of Fire - Ayahuasca Retreat in November 6-14th. (8 spots have already been claimed, only 2 remain.) Reply "Interested" to this email and I'll send you more details on how to secure one of our remaining spots.
These retreats are the equivalent to 2-3 decades of therapy and consistent self-development work packed in 9 days of transformational experiences.
