🔥Fireside Chat: Your Lover wears the face of your Mother.
Yesterday as I drove my mother to the airport I got nostalgic.
She stayed with me these past two months to help me set up 'Yantra House' (our new mini-retreat + community gathering space).
Ram Dass was right when he said: "If you think you're enlightened try spending a week with your family."
I had never spent such a long time under one roof with her since I was a child.
..and back then I hated it!
She was violent, volatile and critical.
She was emotionally absent, controlling and harsh.
So why was I nostalgic?
Because for the first time, I felt that I was about to miss her.
Because these past two months were perhaps the most beautiful we've shared together.
But it took over two decades of hard work to get here.
See.. my mom and I go a long way back...
I know her for as long as I've been alive 🤣
We've sat in 20+ ayahuasca ceremonies
10+ Kambo purges
and endless hours of difficult conversations with each other.
It took A LOT for me to accept her and forgive what had happened when I was just a little kid.
I had no choice though!
Because not forgiving her got me stuck in a pattern.
The one pattern that followed me well into my marriage.
So when I separated from my ex-wife last year, I knew that there was more than the surface reasons of our divorce.
I knew that deep inside, I was not available for love.
Not the healthy kind at least.
See..
Your lover wears the face of the mother.
Meaning that your relationship with your mother determines the quality of every romantic relationship.
Because -whether you're a man or a woman- your mother was your first love...
Your mother was also the first source of love towards you.
So any blockages in that relationship impact everything else moving forward.
For example..
If your mother was critical, you choose partners who make you feel like you're never enough.
If your mother was emotionally absent, you chase people who are unavailable (and call it "passion.")
If your mother was controlling, you either submit to dominant partners or push away anyone who gets close.
If your mother's love felt conditional, you overperform in relationships, terrified that the moment you stop giving… they'll leave!
If you had to parent your mother, you attract people who need saving, (and call it love.)
And if you are like me, you do all of the above, for decades 🥲
So...
I was tired!
exhausted from attracting love that felt heavy,
love that felt like work,
or love where I felt alone.
So as I drove my mother to the airport, I teared up a little bit...
Because it's taken me sweat and tears to come this far.
But the level of peace, love and worthiness I now feel have justified all those struggles.
I was recently told by close friends that something very tangible has shifted in my energy.
They say I seem more vital.
Abundance is flowing more easily.
And incredibly beautiful and aligned people are showing up effortlessly.
So I'd love nothing more than for you to experience the same.
But if you feel you've got unresolved stuff with your mother, there's work to do.
And if you don't want to do it alone, I'm happy to help!
If you liked this email you will LOVE the virtual workshop I'm hosting.
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You can secure one of our remaining spots here:
​-> SECURE MY SPOT.​
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Thank you for being here!
With you on the path,
Nico Canon
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