🔥Fireside Chat: How to end the war
There's a war happening inside every leader.
I felt it during one of my ayahuasca ceremonies in Colombia.
After years of pushing, hustling, and controlling my way to the top of my industry, I found myself going through rock bottom on a mat in the jungle..
Forced to surrender.
I could not control my mind's stream of thoughts.
I could not move my body.
and I felt in my bones that death was just around the corner.
"A life spent building sand castles.. what a waste!" I thought as I finally exhaled and lowered my shoulders, welcoming death.
However, it didn't come..
(or maybe it did, and I am literally a "Ghost" writer? hahahah)
Ok let's be serious.
In that moment Ayahuasca taught me something profound:
The ‘tough persona’ that had driven my success was the very thing standing in the way of my greatest light.
Death was not coming for my life but for the ways in which I avoided it.
It was there to kill my controlling tendencies, my people-pleasing, my superficial quest for money, validation and love...
It showed me that my mental drive (masculine energy) had created achievement, but my disconnection from flow and presence (feminine energy) eventually made it all feel empty.
One thing is to build a house,
another one to create a home.
If my life was a garden, mine was full of plastic flowers, and I wondered why it all felt so lifeless even though "It looked good".
Well, success that doesn't feel as good as it looks.. is often masculine-driven yet feminine-deprived success.
The ol' fixation on "saving the world" without ever slowing down to savour it.
I was powerful but not present.
I felt successful but not significant.
My life was full on paper, but empty inside.
This split is what keeps most leaders:
- Externally successful but internally miserable
- Obeyed but never admired
- Heard but not felt
- Followed but not loved
However, the way forward isn't burn it all and move to Bali to micro-dose 'ceremonial' cacao at a sweaty sunset static dance party.
No, that's not how one opens the heart.
The real work isn't choosing between power and presence.
And ditching corporate to fund an eco-village,
or divorcing your spouse to adventure with the surf instructor.
Feelings and feminine flow without direction often lead to drama and chaos.
The work lies in mastering the integration of these two forces.
The medicine showed me that much could be accomplished by force, but very little of it enjoyed through it...
I saw that true leadership demands the ability to show up powerfully, without closing down our heart.
Every good father and mother knows this.
Integration is what transformed my leadership from “meh!” performance to igniting presence.
Everywhere I went, within a few minutes of conversation strangers would share they felt tears coming up as something inside them stirred..
People would come to me after speaking events sharing they had felt goosebumps and that I had spoken directly to their souls.
Opportunities opening up left and right,
And even my wife would randomly said “Damn you smell good!”. (even on days I had yet to shower)
Because there's a fragrance distinctive of those who move through the world without internal fragmentation.
You've tasted it yourself...
You may have glimpsed it in others.
Or at the very least, it rings true to your heart.
Yet it’s never about what you do, but about the place you come from.
When you stop picking sides (between your mind and your heart, your business and your soul) God acts through you.
That’s what integration is:
To marry our divinity with our humanity.
It's what allowed me to:
- Lead without forcing
- Succeed without compromises
- Impact others without sacrificing myself
Integrity is the key to a life of peace, power and prosperity.
It’s what turned my old life from empty momentum to meaningful depth.
I'm a distracted man and I have a stubborn mind.. so it took Ayahuasca a bunch of times and a lot of pain for me to finally crack open to the fact that nothing truly matters if we cannot be present and peaceful enough to enjoy it.
You'll watch your children grow up, your partner age and your business scale and feel numb through it all,
Unless you do the work.
With you on the path,
Nico
PS: Yesterday we opened the doors to next Wednesday's workshop "Break the Mask" for those of you tired of being accommodating, having your generosity be taken advantage of, and be the one who is there for everyone but never for himself/herself.
Check out the details HERE.
(PS: we intended this to be for men only but many women have inquired, so registrations are open to all genders who consider they'd benefit from breaking the masks they wear.)
5-Minute Practice:
If you feel trapped in someone else’s blueprint of success—whether you’re a female founder juggling family and finances, or a male executive who’s burned out on constant hustle—try this:
Close your eyes and place one hand on your chest, one on your belly.
With each breath, feel the Masculine power in your belly center and the Feminine presence in your heart center.
Now imagine them flowing together, creating a circuit of energy.
This is the physical sensation of integration - power and presence as one force.
Take three deep breaths and say internally:
- "I honor my power, and I trust my presence."
- "I can move mountains without losing myself."
Feel the shift.
Act from there.
