So if you want to know where you're going, you must first be at peace with where you've been.
🔥Fireside Chat: My dad's Friday wine o'clock texts (and a puppy)
It was my dad's birthday last weekend when my sister showed me a text he had just sent her:
"Thank you for giving me THE greatest gift of my life..."
Seeing it was Friday night, we instantly assumed this was one of those messages he sends when his stoic, Colombian businessman mask drops and his fluffy, teddy-bear of a heart speaks (courtesy of a few glasses of wine of course!)
(Btw, before I continue the story, know that I will be hosting a workshop on The Father Wound next week. 94 people already registered. Don't miss out on the details HERE.)
Ok. So.. I thought my dad was about to tell my sister that being a father was his greatest joy..
But he then sent her a picture of the puppy she gifted him for his birthday last year 😂 (pic at the end)
We knew that it was a little too early in the evening for wine to have opened his heart for one of those "I love my kids" confessions...
But what fascinated me was to realize how much a dog had changed his life!
See.. my father was abandoned by his father at birth.
Not in the "I'm going to grab some milk, see ya later!" and never show up again kind of way..
It was worse.
It was the "your mother is a farmer and my family is wealthy, I will lose my inheritance and be disowned and shamed if I accept you as my child. It would be a disgrace to even give you my last-name or be related to a lower-class lady." kind of way..
(Fun fact: Cañón -my last name- is actually my grandma's last name.)
So my dad grew up in severe poverty, knowing his father was one of the wealthiest men around, but receiving NOTHING at all.
Not his last name, not his financial support, and most definitely not his love.
Fast forward 65 years and my dad wrote his own rag-to-riches story..
But it cost him A LOT!
When I look at him, I see someone who mistook his father's absence for not being good enough (or worthy of dad staying)...
I see a man who chased his worth in success, over-performing, people-pleasing and in women.
I've seen his romantic relationships struggle as he'd find ways to unconsciously sabotage them...
I've seen his business also suffer as he over-extended himself and trusted shady partners, hired people who stole from him, and found himself edging burnout for years...
And as much as I love and adore him as a father, I can't help but notice the way he eats over-processed foods, drinks a little too often and neglects his health contribute not only to a beer-belly but to health complications that grow with time.
But underneath it all, I see someone whose relationship with The Masculine was missing.
Let me explain!
The masculine teaches us about boundaries. (What to say yes and no to, when it comes to relationships, work and even health!)
The masculine teaches us about clarity & purpose (Meaning you don't chase the wrong people or opportunities)
The masculine ultimately teaches us about our worth and our place in the world (So we don't chase validation externally nor make our goal to chase success just to feel good enough)
So when our father is absent.. (this includes being physically present but emotionally tuned out)..
Or when he is present in an abusive way (which is another form of absence)..
The imprint for our worth gets twisted.
So we spend our whole life chasing success, obsessing over the wrong people, people-pleasing to earn love and having a hard time saying "no".
In my father's attempt to feel worthy, he chased success...
Which meant that he wasn't very present when I was growing up...
So the wound of his father's absence was unconsciously passed forward..
Until in my marriage I realized I had started to follow the same steps (workaholism, living in my head, not feeling good enough and chasing more, more and more!)
Because The Father Wound is a cycle that we are bound to repeat and hand to our children until (and unless) someone does THE WORK.
Until someone breaks the cycle, our lineage is bound to never quite feel good enough -regardless of how much wealth we have-
We're bound to attract partners for whom we never feel enough and who are demanding, emotionally unavailable and critical..
And we're guaranteed to say "yes" when we wanted to say "no", to avoid conflict and to eat, drink and indulge in vices to soothe ourselves from the underlying discomfort of it all...
We may chase success through money, fitness and accomplishments only to feel empty no matter how good our life seems on paper.
If you relate to what I'm saying, I'd love to have you join me next week for my workshop on healing this wound.
Because the dog NEEDS him, not his money or advice.
The dog also LOVES him unconditionally..
And because it's a doberman, it requires boundaries (or they'll go nuts!)
In essence, the dog is confronting all the ideas my father had of worth, meaning, value and love.
So I believe Munay is parenting my dad as much as my dad is parenting him, and both are becoming better through the process.
However, you don't need to get a dog, or drink wine to open your heart.
You can do the work and ensure that your relationships are not created from a place of dysfunction, that your business doesn't suffer because of your lack of boundaries and clarity and that your health doesn't deteriorate due to a lack of self-worth expressed in self-neglect.
(If the link does not work it means we reached capacity! thank youthank you❤️)
See you next week!
PS: Here's my dad and Munay ❤️
PS2: Thank you to everyone who expressed interest in our Ayahuasca Retreats this year. After the first one sold out we heard you and opened new dates, that were also sold out in less than 3 weeks! 🙏🏽
Thank you for your trust in the work we do and for your willingness to come visit in Colombia to transform your life..
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