My dad kicked me out

Words I'm sitting with:

🔥Fireside Chat: I thought my dad was kicking me out!

Yesterday I moved into my new home in Colombia but when I was unpacking I saw a few bags that made me freeze.

See, after my separation I decided to sell everything and leave Toronto.

My entire life was reduced to six luggage bags.

I had a few retreats in Colombia and work in Dubai and Bali so it did not make sense to rent, so I asked my father if I could stay with him in the meantime.

(He's got a big house with spare rooms)

He happily agreed so I brought my luggages, unpacked my clothes and electronics in the closet and made myself at home..

At least I thought so.

Until I returned from my travels just to find everything I'd organized thrown into garbage bags.

"I'm not wanted here"

I felt unwelcomed.

Angry.

Hurt.

"How dare they! they have three empty rooms..

They know I've just separated.

They know I don't have a home..

And they don't even have the decency to ask me to leave?"

Why couldn't they just tell me they wanted privacy?

Why the passive aggression - packing my things as an indirect message to get going?

So I called my assistant immediately:

"Pack my week with real estate visits.

I'm out of here!" 😡

But I had nowhere to go yet, so I had to unpack the bags, find my clothes and essentials for a few more nights under his roof.

However, I noticed something.

Every time him or his partner walked by, I'd tense up.

I was walking on eggshells.

Constantly wondering if I was a burden.

Wondering if I was too messy for their standards.

Until it dawned on me:

All they did was pack my bags.

My mind filled in the rest.

They: Packed Nico's stuff into bags

Nico: I'm unwelcome. I'm unloved. There's something wrong with me. I'm not safe. I can't trust people. I'm on my own. I'm going to show them...

Silly, right?

So I got up and sat next to my dad on the couch where he was watching TV.

"Dad.. can I ask you something?...

I'm curious about why you guys packed my things while I was away?"

Dad: "We had my partner's kids and grandkids visit for Christmas, then your aunt, uncle, grandma and cousins arrived too. We needed the extra room so we packed your things carefully so nothing would get lost."

🙃

I giggled inside.

I wondered how often do I project my unresolved patterns unto what others do?

How often do I take things personally that had nothing to do with me?

We're never in a relationship with others.

We are in a relationships with our history -in the context of others.

So if we want good relationships, we have to clean up our stories.

We must challenge our assumptions..

And we must be courageous enough to suspend our judgement to get curious instead.

But curiosity is the hardest thing in the world when you want to be right.

Because being right protects the wound..

Righteousness is fake power.

It makes us feel like BIG people while we suffer.

Curiosity -on the other hand- is medicine.

It means being willing to explore the possibility that life (and others) many not be who we painted them to be...

That nothing that anyone ever did was really about me.

And that when something they did hurt,

It was only because it pressed the very place I'd been punishing myself for decades.

Because the packed bags were not sending a message.

My mind was.

So yesterday as I started to settle into my new home, I laughed at how much meaning we place into things that don't have it.

And I realized that the real baggage I had to let go of was not that of material things in Toronto, but all the accumulated stories I unconsciously carry with me everywhere.

Sooo, what are the "bags" in your life right now?

Where do you feel righteous over something that someone did? (that you've already turned into a verdict about your worth)

& what if you sat down next to that person and just...

asked?

You know,

You might giggle too.

😉

With you on the path,

Nicolas

🙏🏽

PS: If you feel the baggage you've been carrying is getting in the way of greater health, love or meaning, plant medicine is one of the most powerful ways to do "Spiritual Spring Cleaning".

We have one last spot available in our upcoming "Way of Fire" Ayahuasca Retreat next month in Colombia. Click Here for more details.

(This year we will only have this and August' retreat, after that I won't be hosting public Ayahuasca ceremonies for at least a year or two.)

🤿 Deep Dive (Master Prompt of the week)

Go to Forged* and insert the following prompt:

I want to uncover where I'm projecting old wounds onto my current relationships instead of getting curious. Here's a situation where someone did something that triggered me: [Describe what happened, what you made it mean, how you reacted, and what you haven't asked or said to that person yet.]

Based on this please create two tables.

Table 1: The Story vs. The Facts On the X axis label: What Actually Happened, The Story I Told Myself, The Old Wound It Triggered. On the Y axis list 5 moments where I may have confused someone's actions with a statement about my value. Be specific and direct.

Table 2: The Projection Pattern On the X axis label: The Trigger, Where Else I React This Way, What I'd Discover If I Just Asked. On the Y axis identify 3 patterns where my need to be right may be protecting a wound instead of healing it.

End with a short, direct message in the firm but loving tone of Nicolas Canon, calling out where I'm choosing righteousness over curiosity, and how acting differently is the exact medicine I need to reach the next level in life.

[*Forged is the Free Ai coaching tool I built. Access it HERE ]

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DEEP DIVE

Throwback: Who should and SHOULD NOT drink Ayahuasca

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